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So I went into deep speed thought. (when i think about something deeply but fast)
Once to your amazement it is about love… this seems to be my favorite thing to talk about, true honesty it isn’t. I can’t stand love, its too complex, and I hate complex. Well I also thought of other stuff that I might explain here as well…
_ So when you fall in love you always “Why do I love him/her?” I know I wonder that a lot.. Not trying to imply anything. This person I love loads, more then I did GR (and if you know about what happened between he and I and everything of us, then you know how much that was). Me are so confusing, as women are. So I tried thinking of why I love him soooo much, to the extent that I do, all I can come up with is, him in general. I love him, who he is, why he is, and everything. Also apparently he doesn’t’ like to argue…but honestly that basically I really do (I should join the debate, though I’d fail cause I’m not too intellectual…then again I fail at many things >.< oh my how is this going to work??) He proves out too many points when we umm…discuss things. I feel to inferior, which I truly hate cause I love feeling superior (now I see why cherry calls me dominant..) for you all to think I’m more of an idiot imagine me saying this very enthusiastic, goofy, and all idiotic…but if you’ve never heard me before like that then don’t try cause it might now work….(it usually makes people laugh though)
_Family, oh I was thinking of that as well. Not the family I’m in right now, or the game, I mean about having my own family. I’d probably end up being a stay at home mom!! OH MY GOD!!! Can you imagine me, of all people, with something like that?! I mean, I can’t do groceries right, as for dishes I seem to always not do the cups, I also don’t wash clothing…I cant color coordinate things very well. But I’d love to have a family either way and do the damnest on everything for it to be “perfect”. I’d love my kid(s) with no condition, and IF there is a guy in my life (as in the father of the kid or someone that accepted me with the kid) I’d love him as well, and muchisisimo. Seria Amor hacsta el infinito. Though truly I’d love to only have one kid, and for it to be a boy…why a boy? Cause I noticed that I get along with boys more then girls…like when I’m taking care with little kids the boys are there with me playing and well having fun right, the girls are all shallow and distant… I really would like to have a boy cause with a girl I’d always feel like a bad mother….
_getting married… wow that’d be awesome!!! I’d be all hyped up if someone proposed to me, even more if we actually got married!!! Boo though I’d feel sorry for the man the first night…or two. Cause I wont have sex with my husband (if I even get married..) until he reads ALL of the letters…(its something I’m doing…you guys would understand…) I honestly think he’d get all clicked when I tell him (if I even have a husband…haha) And as my friends know, you all can call me insane, after the ”I do” parts I want to jump into a river, pool, I dunno something that has water (clean water). Why would I want to do that??? Because its something I always wanted to do, jump into water in a wedding dress with the one I love/married. Haha though I’d have to get approval from the guy first…if he’d even want to do that. XD probably not though…. But if so, it’d rock!!! If I do get married…cause I highly doubt I will (for personal reasons), I swear I’d do everything (even the impossible) to make the man happy…cause it’s the least I’d be able to do after he made me happy, right?
_ Why does all this interest me so much??? Cause just cause I look, act a certain way it doesn’t mean I’m not feminine…to an extent I am. Wanting the same hing many girls want. Love, a great man, their own family, well you know all that funky great stuff…
_Arturo proved a point…. I hate to say it, but he did. So talked to him asking for help. To help me on not to doubt, or seem like I’m doubting the person i’m with….guess how much I doubt??? He tells me one thing, okay ONE thing and I automatically assume that the guy doesn’t care about me and all this stuff… his response was “I didn’t say anything about that…where in the world you got that conclusion?” I’m a nut case… and I thought about it… and found out why I think that so much…want to know? Because I’ve been left traumatized. How? Well that’s for me to know you all to find out. And to that person…I’m sorry for doubting/questioning so much….I seriously need to work on not jumping into conclusions soo fast…
_Last thing….. This goes for everyone, okay? Honestly people…I never once said I’d be in charge of your life, your decisions, your mistakes. Okay if you ask me for my perspective on something, I’ll give it to you straight out, and if you don’t’ like it, keep in mind I never said you would. I just lost a friend cause that person didn’t’ really like what I’d tell them… hey they asked, I gave them the truth. Honestly people if you want to truth, know when it comes to certain things I’ll blunt honest and bitchy, that’s a fair warning.


Ps.
Ich liebe dich