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Okay i'm not as enraged as yesterday but bleh if you want you can read what this journal is going to say...

So i've been thinking of the phrase "Oppisites attract" I know that is working wiht my parents, but i'm not sure that phrase is true, seems more of something people tell themselves to play and pretend everything is going to be okay. I know i used to with someone.. okay so not only have i been thinking of that i've been thinking of love, again, in general. Such a huge mistery makes me wonder so much.. Two of my friends have been going out for a bit more then 3 years, and i wonder soo much how the hell did they make it to that length. My parents have been together for almost 18 years now and they barly knew each other whenthey married, how havn't they killed one another yet? I think about the people around me hat are in a successfull relationship, and i wonder how do they do it? Honetlyi dont' think i can ever be in a successfull one, for many reasons. The longest relationship i've had was 7 months, and most of it was a lie, just both he and i fooling ourselves thinking we were able to save the relationship and have something good, it ended by me and him just never talking to one another again. And right now i'm sorta scared... I'm sorta, ina form, in a relationship with someone. And honestly i dont' want to make the same mistakes i've done in my other relationships, or for history to repeat it self.. I'm so scared of a brake up, or something going wrong, of the out come it might all have. I'm 100% percent aware of what i feel and think of him, but scared cause i dont' know how he feels, thinks of me. OH these are things one shouldn't worry of cause it only causes problems yet its so unavoidable to think of them...Two people cna love, but everyone loves in a diffrent form. My parents love one another still (amazingly enough) but dont' show it, at least not around us that is...they ar emore shallow with one another aroudn us. My two friends thathave been together for more then 3 years, the guy crys for her, talks of her in the sweetest form, saying how she's everthing to him, how he loves her so much and all, The girl is all goofy, she plays around with him, and at times acts like she doesn't gie a damn about him but she really does, trust me the way she talks of him when one of us mentions him she gets all funky, all like "he's so cute". How do they do it crying ... how do they manage to love one another soo muich so long. I seriously want to know how...I want to know how i still love the person i seem to be with, usually my feelings for someone fade fast and it all becomes just a game for me... But he hasn't, for goodness sakes i still get maripossas when i talk to him...
Here is something that happened to a close cousin of mine. She and this guy started oging out when she was 15, i think he was 16. Well they were very close to one another, and everyoen considered them the perfect couple. On her 25th birthday he proposed to her, she cried, as he gave her a glod ring with this huge dimond. (it looked so great when it happened). they were engaged for a good while...he even would forget they where engaged. Problems started arising within their relationship. Eventually the engagement was cancled. A year latter she had meetsomeone else and was pregnant with that mans babby, and he was getting married to someone else, but still loved here. He even called on his wedding day saying "Please give me another chance, i still love you. Tell me right now if you love me back. if so i'll stop this and go with you. i want to be with you for the rest of my life." BUt it was too late... she had fallen in love with the man she is now living with, the father of her babby, and the one she is going to marry very soon.
Why did i tell her story in specific? Well let me explain. They seemed soo perfect, they where together for many years, they always expressed their love for one another, they had the same intrests, they both want the same thing, but it all failed. I guess what i want to say is that...i'm wondering if relationships are worth it or not.. Things can go wrong and it'll fail, or it will all go swell and it'll last till the end of time. ONe never knows how its going to end up with someone, thus one never knows. This person i'm with is extreamly special to me. And dont' wan tto lose him, and if soethign went wrong i'd like to keep a friendship wiht him, but that woudl end up depending on why it ended, how it ended, and if both of us would be able to mantain a friendship after wards.... I've always been told to hold on to what i love in this world.. but someimes even if you love someone after a relationshp or friendship you can't keep them... you'd have to let go and do the best you can and "move on" though in true honesty you may never completly move on, the impact that person caused in your life is too great to let go,be it bad of good.

when you say "i love you forever" you should know you can be lieing, cause in total truth it may not happen....god i just freaked my self about being in relationships cause since one isnt' a mind reader it'll be hard to know what goes on in the others mind...heart....their true feelings by all means...