How is it that the shortest relationship, the shortest contact, the shortest KNOWING of this boy at all, makes me really, extremely miss him when I don't know where he is?
For all of you that are curious, I was in a relationship towards the end of school last year, and all through summer, with a boy that went to a different school. He had gone to my school, and was in the grade below me, but I had a HUGE crush on him for the longest time. He had a cute, charming intrigue to him, and he was rather attractive; tousled, brown hair, soft blue eyes, a nice smile. He was musical, outgoing, intelligent, but had his flaws that made him well-rounded and even more human.
He even lived in my neighborhood. I remember the mornings at each bus stop, my eyes anxiously burrowing through the window as his stop grew closer. I remember my cold breath, the windows letting in the crisp air as I saw him outside, and as I watched as inconspiculously as possible. I remember glancing briefly as he got on, only to see him pass by me to go to the back. I felt like one of those silly girls in a sad, relationship movie, and I just slumped and gave up.
I remember the only encounter I had was when there weren't any seats left, and my other guy friend behind me urged me to take HIS seat - not just anyone's, his. I gulped and clutched my bag to my chest and stumbled to the seat - turns out my other friend had to sit next to us, and I was sandwhiched rather closely.
I was terrified - I never had talked to him, hadn't known him, hadn't realized how ... well how laid-back and kind he was. He smiled nicely, familiarily, and my friend, Mark, showed him music on my iPod - MINE - and he liked it. I wanted to blurt out to him many things, but I didn't.
Turns out the crush died down, and after a "wistful" relationship and a bad break-up later, I ended up noticing the boy again, during the beginning of my junior year. I remember standing in the hallway, as many other girls did, watching and listening to him play guitar. He was making up some song that was a joke towards one of his teachers. He clumsily rhymed and fell over his words but all in good fun. I remember being really happy, and a returning feeling - like spontaneous recovery - fluttered into my stomach and heart.
After some coincidental meetings later, it hit me as I sat with him and laughed with him and flirted with him and he flirted back that I was in a relationship with someone I had been terrified of, someone I had died to want to know but then didn't want to know at all. He was nothing but a simple, nice boy, with interesting attributes, and all the things I liked in a guy ... he was nothing like my last relationship, and I felt more myself around him. Free, comfortable - even clumsy.
Anyhow, I lost contact with him entirely - I was extremely confused, stunned, considering his family life was rather twisted and complex, I didnt' even understand it. His best friend was really my only connection to him, but even he couldn't figure things out. I felt defeated, like once something entered my life that made me happy, was taken away. I just ground my teeth together, kicked my feet, tried calling him ... nothing. Days days and days later, here I am, on this Monday - mere months after we finally were together - wondering how he is, where he is, and missing him like crazy.
Silly how a simple history, simple relationship, simple feelings can make you miss someone so dang much.
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J u s t [MOI].
Lalala, 'alo there.
I probably won't write here much.
But if I do it's probably pointless.
But waste your time at will.
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elliot-storii
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