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So winterguard was much better yesterday - we basically learned new dance work for the opening part of the song, as well as some more drill movements with flag. We also did warm ups, across the floor - where we go literally across the floor, while practicing certain dance motions over and over - to 90's music. Yes, I'm talking about Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, Spice Girls - you get the picture.

It was a blast!

I've finally found a niche that's sort of me, that's seperate from my other close friends that never participated in things physical outside of marching band. Even though I'm a clutz, this is sort of where I find that balance and grace that I crave. It's challenging, but oddly thearupeutic. I'm not perfect, but there are times where I get that look of satisfaction from a coach; or I do a flag phrase confidently; or I to rellevaes and spins with grace and effiency that makes me feel great and excited - it's awesome!

And I've decided that being on flag is SO amazing. Nothing like spinning gently and feeling that silk graze your skin; or spinning with determination and speed, and feeling the wind you make beating against your dancing body. It's awesome! My flag is like a new friend, haha!

Other than guard, life has been carrying on normally. Our youth pastor mentioned matter of factly how 80% of new years resolutions were already broken. But, I just leaned back and smiled and whispered "Not mine!" If you didn't read earlier, my new years resolution to not date for an entire year, and dedicate myself to God, friends, family and school - grow closer with the more important aspects of my life, rather than clawing for some boy's attention.

It's amazing to be able to sit back and blink and realize that I don't have to be in those dramatic situations anymore. That I can joke with a guy, tease a guy, and flirt harmlessly, and be okay. I don't have to kill myself wandering if "he likes me" or "if that guy will magically speak to me". Ever since my last boyfriend's mysterious dissapearance and loss of communication, it's been hard; but, I'm slowly picking myself back up. If I denied that I thought about him at least once a day, I'd slap myself for lying. If I denied that when hearing his name made me slightly happy, but slightly sad, then it'd be coming from the horse's mouth.

Of course, I miss him. But I'm slowly getting to the point where it's only a memory - I can't hold onto things forever, they all have to go away after a while. It's like a cool breeze that relaxes you for a while, grazing your skin and kissing away the heat - but, then it curls off, away for a while and you have to battle the heat again.

I'm reading this book, My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picoult - it's REALLY good, amazing, really - and it's putting thoughts into perspective for me. How life can be so much worse; how so many other things can be going on; how good I really have it. Not only that, my Bible studies are calming me and shaping me into the woman I'll be when I go off into the real world. I'll no longer be the high school, invisible girl who just shrugs the hallway, laughs with her friends, and is a bookworm. I'll be a grown woman who has to make decisions, and take on responsibilities - but I'm ready for that.

I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow, too. Differently than normal.
And I'm ready for the change.