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Space has now been open to mankind for the first time with My brother and I as the diplomats. My noble brother aboard his ship Fenrir and myself aboard my childhood ship, the Jormungand. Some believe this science fiction, but it is far from that. I shall tell of our exploits over the week in hyperspace that we have had.

First off we were boarded by a bunch of starving Brigands who were led by one of the most annoying men I’ve ever met in all my days. Thanks to the Oh-so observant subordinate of mine, we are keeping a new pet as well. His name is Cyris. He seems like a good kid but a bit dim. Also very disrespectful…. He called me a woman! Me! Never had I been mistaken for a woman before. I put him in his place.

Although, looking back on what I did, I regret the way I handled it but it was affective. A shock collar is very brutal but I cannot argue with the results. He will have to learn to behave and when he does, the collar can come off.

I do not even want to think about what Violet and that animal may be doing but it’s really none of my business. She can be with whoever she wants, even a total ignoramus. I just worry for her safety, as if she was a sister. It was always so important to my heart that she trusted me with her real name and her history. I’ve never had a sister so I can only assume the love I feel for her is of a sisterly type. I know this, because the love I feel for Violet, is different than the love I feel for Krya. I suppose she feels the whole, love at first sight for that mutt too. For that, I cannot condemn her and I supposed I did owe her a favor….

Krya questioned my methods and I admit it was a slight blow to my heart to have her so cross with me. I explained and now I think she forgives me. I hope so anyway. Maybe one day, she’ll open up to me and love me as much as I love her… I could never tell her of my love until I know she feels the same. I do not wish to scare her off. I know my entries always seem to come down to these thoughts but you must understand how hard it is for me to get her out of my mind. I do suppose this is what love is. I had never felt this way about any other woman I’ve ever met. It is hard not being jealous when another man is near her or touching her. I can contain myself though. I have to be confident that there is no other man, save for me on her mind.

I find myself going through these last couple of days in an almost half daze. I’ve been trying to think of all the things that have happened and all the people I’m in charge of. Maybe it’s finally hit me that I’m on my own now. Father is no longer looking over my shoulder and helping me when I stumble. I think about it like when I was learning to ride a bike. Back then, Father was still whole…still…alive…still a full man, not a machine like he is now. He was always pushing me on my bike. He had let go along time ago but I had never noticed and kept paddling my bike, still thinking he had me safely on. I guess that’s how I felt now. He had let go when I became a general…I just never noticed till now.

I think of my mother….my real mother…. I think of what she may have looked like. Obviously she was a redhead and had my color eyes. I probably look a lot like her too. Hell, I look almost nothing like father. I wonder if she misses me. I wonder if she may be dead. I wonder if she wanted to talk to me but was never able to. Or maybe she just didn’t give a damn about her b*****d son. In any case, I think about her and wonder. Diane will never be my mother and my real one is lost within the spaces of time, lodged deep within my father’s brain. He never told me of her, nor do I think he ever plans to. I believe the origins of my mother will probably be carried to my father’s grave with him.

I think of my brother and how much I idolize him. Many would not think so given the amount of exposure that I get over him, but I am truly inspired by him. He is a son that my father can be proud of, the apple of his mother’s eye, a wife that loves him and the nicest man you’d ever meet. Not like me.

Ever since I was young, I felt like I didn’t belong. That I was somehow different that all my classmates. I think they felt it too. I was usualy avoided. I think somewhere along the lines my repulsion turned into allure. Once I hit puperty, I couldn’t get them to leave me alone. Even with all the admeration and adoring masses, I still felt empty. I still do to this way. Maybe, out in space, is a place I belong.

As we approach the beautiful planet that our “guests” call their home, I feel mixed emotions cloud my mind. Most of it was awe, but then there was an underlining dread. I know opposition awaits us there but I must be ready. I have the burden of many lives upon my shoulders and I refuse to drop them.

After all, I am a general now and daddy let go of the bike a long time ago.