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So many things have happened. I really don't know where to begin. My life has been turned around so drasticaly these past few days. Ive learned things that I've never wanted to and walked into this state of darkness...

Though, I suppose I should start at the begining, eh?

Kyra and I, well...we've danced our stupid coy dance. Neither of us knowing what the other thinks. It shouldn't be that way. I care for her so deeply that it pains me to not be able to speak my thoughts to her. I had been nothing but honnest with her. I would like to say I was patient but inside I'm raging.

The Elf wemon's homeworld is beautiful....but I see them for what they are. They hate men and think themselves above them. Their men are enslaved beings and treated like dirt. I hate this.... There's nothing I can do for them... The Zentari wemon are our allies. They saved us. I cannot turn on them when they have given us so much. This also pains me. I suppose I should live with them like I lived with Diane. Missrible but complient. The darkness inside me grows. I cannot explain this darkness but it is the only word I can think of to describe the feeling of distrust and distgust. I haven't felt this way since Father came back home in peices.

Of course things had to get weirder. Little hunchback green thingies were met in the forest. The one who led us there was named Berk. They called themselves Mudokens. They kept telling Marx, Kyra, Violet and I that we were the savious of the gallexy. That's an awful lot to swallow, isn't it? Hell, I couldn't even save my own planet without aid. How the hell are the four of us going to save the whole friggin Gallexy?!

It disheartens me....but they kept telling Krya that she was at death's door. At the time, I didn't understand. All I knew is that I was afraid. How come she was at death's door? Was she sick? It would have shown wouldn't it? It was all I could think about for a long time. Even when they told me that I was the leader of us all. Or, the Sign as they reminded me constantly in unison. I couldn't understand this either. I tell you, I really hate being left out of the loop...

The Mudoken Berk, snuk abord our craft saying that he could help us. Although the thing makes me want to die, I let him stay. Maybe he would come in handy. He was also much more low matinince that Violet's beast boy.

Kyra came to see me after in my office. She decided to tell me why she was at death's door. Lux's deiease. She had it. She had forged her milatary papers along with that creepy medic friend of her's and had been keeping it a secret.

Words cannot describe how angry I was. She lied to me. She told me that she was fine and nothing was wrong with her. She put everyone, every time she showed skin at risk of getting her illness. And me...how many times had I snuck a kiss in? What if I had....She was lucky. I have a powerful immune system. I've never even so much as caught a cold! Still, I think I was more hurt than angry. I was hurt that she haden't told me sooner. I was hurt that she lied to me about it. Most of all, it hurt that she couldn't trust me not to tell on her.

She was telling me now though. She told me she cared for me the way I cared for her. It made me happy for the moment. I promised I wouldn't tell. Protocal would have had me quarienteen her until we retured to earth, where she would be courtmasheld and await trial. Then again, I've bended the rules for someone I've cared for before, and I love her. I could never send her away... Even though I told her I forgave her, a part of me didn't. I still feel so....empty. Still empty even though she said she'd be with me. Still so damn empty and dark....

The Zentari dinner was...least than satisfing. I swear they eat like Diane does! I still had questions about the sword father came back with that night he brought me home. No, Home is a bad word. That was never home.... Anyway, I need answers.

I stayed behind to talk with the head Zentari. She told me things that turned my life around. I....was not fully human. I was half Zentari. I was a....half-breed.... It pains me to even write it. That's why I was so diffrent?! That's why I never belonged?!

The Zentari showed me Visions of my mother. My mother was a general and the sword I weild was once hers. She had my violent red hair and my hazel....no, I must stop calling them that to sound normal....my Gold eyes. She met a man in area 51. my father. Something obviously happened between them. I saw visions of her appealing to them. They didn't seem to listen. They remided her that she commited the ultimate taboo. I saw her hair turn white and her fade from sight. Then they showed the head Zentari handing a bundle...a child...to my father and giving him the sword.

So that was it. I was unwanted as a human and even worss of with the Zentari. I know I used to speak of a place where I would finially belong, but now I know that it's impossible. There is no place for me anywhere. The mother I had such hopes of meeting is an outcast who is shammed by me. I do not wish to see her. I couldn't bear to see the shame in her eyes when she lays eyes on me...if she's even alive anymore.

I cried for the first time in a long time that night. I'm the type of guy who will cry about it once and then tuck it away forever. Never to shed those blasted tears on the same subject ever again. I was able to hid my sorrow long enough to tell Kyra and the others when they bardged into my room. We talked awhile. Hell, even Marx talked! He learned some things about eachother and now I prayed the secrets were done. I don't know If my heart would handle it... We all got a sudden creepy vision of a woman with a smile like ice. It was quite unnerving but not the weirdest thing that happened all night.

When everyone went to bed, I allowed the tears I was holding back to flow again. What the hell was I going to do...? I wonder this silently as tears run down my face and the darkness inside me grows ever darker....