I often like to think of my own death; never really got into others'-- I guess that'd make me pretty sadistic if I was. But today, besides thinking on how I want to go I considered my grave. Yeah, I can see my grave clearly... It'll be that grave off to the side, crammed there just because. It's that type of grave that everyone knows never gets attended to. No flowers, and some tall grass stretching out around the little headboard of doom. My gravestone will be a bright, grainy grey... Almost like a sidewalk color, but y'know... slightly darker. That won't make it stick out any at all though... It'll stick out because it's so plain... And some curious kids aimlessly wandering in the area will read my name, and maybe they'll think...: 'Look... if only she had one more middle name that started with an O, she'd've had the alphabet.' ...At least, whee I want someone to think that besides me. Nobody will ever make it a point to visit because they know that I wouldn't visit their graves. I'unno why... but... I probably just wouldn't; though now that I think on it a little more... I'd want to visit my closest friends' and mother's grave... It's kind of funny thinking of anyone standing ontop of my gritty blanket of dirt, and looking at my name while possibly saying a few awkward words... It bothers me slightly, y'know? I don't ever want to miss something... but there I would be... Dead, and uknowingly missing something like I always never wanted to do. It's the reason I never can sleep during the daytime; I'm too afraid I'll miss something.
Either way this is how I want my grave to be anyway... I can't stand those funeral bouquet flowers that people put ontop of headstones or in that general area. They're so... Well, they just remind me of depression. People leave those there to show they're sad, and I really don't want anyone to be sad after I'm gone. It'd be like a slap to me... I always want people to be happy, but here's my final good bye and they're sad!? s**t no. Everyone will smile and continue on. That's what I want.
So... Yeah. rolleyes Just my thoughts of today. I had a few more... but maybe I'll talk about them later?
- Always Making That Intention,
natasha.
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Love, Suicide, and Graves
Complicated words flowing from my eager little mind to my fingers which transfer weird little thoughts onto this computer screen... Enjoy.
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