There's not actually a point or subject I want to make or address in this blog... <.< Sorry 'bout that? I just... feel like making something, and I know eventually something will come to my mind for something's almost always licking it. **Had several verbs pop into head on what the "somethings" were doing to my brain, but liked the idea of "somethings" laying sleezily on my brain and licking it all slow-like best.**
You would think that the biggest thing on my brain would be the crash still, or at least I would think that... because... I mean... I can't do anything, and I abhor that with all of my being! The thing that's on my mind right now is my Muther... She seems so worried about me... I hate that. I woke up yesterday to hear her talking on the phone to my Granny-ma, and she was talking about how she felt like I was jipped this x-mas. Which isn't true at all... She just thinks that because I can't go out and buy my clothes like my brother did. She should know that I'm not worried or ever bothered about stuff like that! I guess it doesn't help that my step-father is always reminding her about how she "spoils" my brother. (Translation/Names: "step-father" = Randy. "brother (or often "bubby" wink " = Billy.) Yes, Muther often does give into anything Billy wants, but that's only because she's such an awesome Muther. Her heart's in the right place... She just doesn't have much discipline. Hell, she'd spoil me if I'd let her, and maybe I should point that out to her...? I've tried to tell her all this stuff, but it doesn't help. She's too stubborn to learn anything from what people are saying. (Aren't most people though?) Aye... And today I was watching X-Play and she kept asking me if there was a game I wanted... I know she got me a game because Jesseecuh leaked that information out to me so I couldn't tell her anything. I mean, if I said I wanted a game that she didn't already buy then she would've felt a little off, right? Because she didn't get me the one I said I had wanted... But by telling her I couldn't think of anthing she might've thought that I truly didn't want a game and that the game she bought would just be a present I wouldn't like, which would make her off too. >.< I don't think the last one's a big possibility though because she knows I never tell her anything I want. I never have for anyone and I won't ever. (It's just not my style, K?) Uhg. I just don't want her to feel bad about this stuff... It's only x-mas, but she takes x-mas so seriously. I don't understand that... Or maybe I do... Maybe it's because x-mas is the one time a year my Muther feels like she can actually do something for me and my brother and have an excuse for it. She can blow and blow money on us and because it's x-mas. Thinking about that makes me really sad... I hate the idea of my Mum thinking she's not good enough for me and Billy. She's got to know that she *is* though! More than good. Way more.
Unyah. I need to think of a new subject... I feel horrible thinking about that stuff. ^.^;;
Okay... Okay... Uhm...
**Listenings to Randy's shaving thing-a-ma-bob.** Heh. That sparked *nothing*.
**Can't help but think about Muther now...**
Oh well. I'll just stick with this subject and get it all out.
I've noticed Randy is kind of like that too. He's just a bit less extreme. It's kind of weird actually to have him like that... Randy's only been with us for a couple of years, and the guy who was before wasn't anything like a caring man. It's so weird, but... but good, I guess. Ever since the wreck he's been showing it more too... I mean, I kind of knew that he was caring before, but I didn't know like this. He kisses me on the forehead now, and-and just simple stuff like that that lets you know a person cares for you. He cares about what I think, and yesterday we were talking about something and we meant it jokingly, but I knew he meant it for real... He doesn't think I like him. But that's not true. Yes, sometimes he annoys me, but that's only sometimes. I didn't know what to say after that... I just laughed and went along with the joke theme, but on the inside I was kind of shocked... That's when I really knew he cared. And that's... just weird... Weirdly good, but weird to see a man my Mum's with caring for me. I want to know how he feels about my brother now... I know he doesn't have much respect for Billy, but that's because Billy doesn't have much respect for him. Billy will never have respect for elders, and... there's an actual reason for that... It's sad that he's like that, but I understand why and that's why I can accept it... (Just accept, not like.)
God!!! I just want to hug all of them now and tell them I love them!?!! We've never been that type of family though, so I can't randomly walk up to any of my family members and hug them. (Hehe, it's just not our style, K?) I wish I could though and not make them think I was up to something (or dying?).
Damn it. Family. Daaamn it.
I love you all very much!!! HERE MY MESSAGE THROUGH THIS BLOG...!!! RECEIVE IT [TELE-KIN-NECH-IT-LY]!?!!
I have more things to say about my family... Much, much more... but we're getting ready to leave so we can visit more family (My Grandpa!). I guess that means I have to leave you, pretty little blog, for now.
- I can't belive I enjoyed getting all that out as much as I did,
natasha!
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Love, Suicide, and Graves
Complicated words flowing from my eager little mind to my fingers which transfer weird little thoughts onto this computer screen... Enjoy.
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