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THE EAR AND YOU

The ear... most people know so little about it. Well for a check up, the nasty ear trolls are still at war with the ear gnomes. If you have a lot of ear wax, please clean your ears at least 2 times a week to keep the ear tolls out and the ear gnomes prosperous. Thank you

The topic today strays from the mutiny and prosperity of ears... or does it?

It was a morning in march, kevin had come to get me in the mornings as usual. This morning was different though. This morning I hadn’t cleaned my ears (along with the past week and so on). They were bound to be nasty, but this wasn’t a factor in our early morning drives to school.

This is just were it became a factor.

As usual Kevin had his Guitar Hero mix CD and was listening to it. I however was not in the mood for Beast and the Harlot that morning and would rather listen to some Gorillaz.

This is where things when wrong.

As I inserted the earpiece in my right ear I heard a fuzz coming from the earphone. I decided to ignore this. After a few minute though my ear thought otherwise and when you have DARE being buzzed in your ear, it is not fun and will get the best of you.

I took the earphone out and there it was... covered in ear wax. It even had a clump of ear wax hanging from it ( XU BLEEH ). I responded with an "Oh thats terrible >.<" and began to clean off the earphone and wipe the nasty wax on my pants.

After the freak out I made sure my ear was clean. Things only got worse.

I stuck my finger in my ear to scrap the rest of the wax out quite forcefully. When I pull my finger out... there was ear wax and puss all over it. I couldn’t believe it, i had a zit in my ear.

I was even more disgusted now and began to viciously squeeze the puss out of my ear until it was all gone. I was on the last stroke to get it all out but apparently it was already all out and I pulled out blood instead.

I wasn’t really shocked but more grossed out. I however did not wipe it so fast on my pants. Looking at the blood with yellow puss and orange ear wax reminded me of a memory and I was immediately thrown into a flashback.

I was 10 in this flashback and I was on the disney cruise line (fun =D). However considering the flashback was derived of ear wax, blood, and puss it was not going to be fun in any way.

I was in a recreational center with a group of children about my age or younger. I was looking at the workers in the rec center. These workers had name tags with thing like Silly Sally or Funny Frank.

You know who I’m talking about, those rec workers who are over exited about everything, don’t get paid enough, and hate their jobs but secretly have a sex affair with each other? Yeah, thats kinda how they came across.

Moving on.

I listen in and they where telling us we were gonna make our own FLUBBERS!!!!! Me being a 10 yr old cheered them on in my bliss. They began by showing us the ingredients. They consisted of many colorful things that made us go in aw when suddenly we came to an ingredient of the colors orange, yellow, and red (see where this is going?).

Now I didn’t already tell you this but as they showed us the ingredients they where making up where they came from any why not to stick them in your nose or eat them. Of course they would be from some disney related character and had some story to back up as to how they came by it, like so: This green stuff essence of flubber!!! As I was watching the flashback I was thinking "What is? Dungeons and dragons? I wonder if they have the essence of every disney characters taint." I lets out a big laugh at myself as I thought this was funny. Kevin driving still as I was having the flashback looked at me funny but continued to drive on. This was nothing new to him.

Moving on once again.

I examined the pot of gooey red, orange, and yellow substance as they explained what it was. Their description went something like this: "This here is captain hooks toe jam! But when we were digging it out from in between his toes, Awesome Anna dug a little to hard and accidentally got some blood in it."

We all replied with a loud "EEEEWWW".

We are now coming to the climax of my flashback. I will never forget what happened next.

This comment on the blood was not so smart, it turned out that of the audience members was hemaphobic.

For those of you who do not know what a hemaphobic is, it is someone who either pukes, faints, or does both at the sight of blood.

Moving again with the on.

This specific audience member was inconveniently sitting behind me... and uncomfortably close. In my long and loud ew sound I herd a "Hua" and then another "Hua" and then a third "HUA!!!" and I looked behind me and what followed was a "BLEEEEEEH"

Had it been just on my lap or shirt I would have easily cleaned it off... but this person was taller than me and as I looked up he chucked all in my eyes and hair and mouth (yes... mouth). The puke streamed down my shoulders and in my pants while the kid did not move and continued to release his lunch and breakfast all over me. I puked among others. The last thing I remember in the flashback was puking on the floor watching 2 of the rec workers spewing and the other ROFLHAOing (Rolling On the Floor Laughing His a** Off).

I quickly snapped back into reality laughing very hard for I thought this flashback was quite amusing considering I had almost forgotten that it happened. I did not tell Kevin what amused me so because I for sure was going to blog this and he among others would read it and understand.

At this point I felt good and my day would go quite nice. The situation however only got better only got better.

If you recall before my flashback I was bleeding from the ears, when i arrived at school i was still bleeding from the ears and continued on to class to stick something in my ear so it would stop bleeding.

I hastily went to first block, we were late.

I got in and told my little social group in my German class the story of the flashback and everything. They approved of it with many laughs.

One of my less knowledgeable friends Derik, claimed after the story that 75% of your ear wax comes from your brain. I however oddly enough knowing the anatomy of the ear told him that what he said was stupid and untrue.

P.S. I had a flashback to the 5th grade just then. They taught us basic anatomy and for some reason I remember learning the anatomy of the ear, mouth, nose, eye, brain, and most of the bodies systems. I don’t remember all the names of everything but my pictures where quite accurate.

After telling him he was wrong I drew a picture illustrating the ear and it’s inner workings. I exclaimed that the ear was connected to the mouth by a tunnel and that the brain was blocked off from the ear by bone plates (makes sense since you can get water in your ear you CAN blow it out).

After pointing out that my friend was a complete moron, and after a little bit of debate on where ear wax actually comes from, we decided that it had something to do with the ear trolls and ear gnomes out of desperation.

After this argument I felt a drip slide out my ear and had forgotten that my ear was bleeding. I went to the teacher and plainly said "Teacher, my ear is bleeding, may I get a drink of water?" MY teacher looked at me in confusion but had expected no less and simple gave me permission to go with the consideration that my ear was actually bleeding.

I went to get some water and went into the bathroom to clean my ear out. I went to the sink when I slipped and my hand fell into a puddle of piss and blood.

Now please bear with my off story comments right now but at this point I am a little tired of the colors orange, red, and yellow...

Moving on for the last time (maybe).

I quickly got up and washed my hand. I was not expecting what I was about to see. When I looked at my hand had just realized I was washing off blood from the puddle of piss. In fact, it was blood I had slipped on and it was blood that I now had my shoe bathed in.

There was a trail of giant and scattered blood drips leading to a stall at the end of the boys bathroom. It got bigger as I followed it. I drew close and peeked into the stall with no lighting... this was very creepy and I felt like I was in a horror movie.

As I peeked in and adjusted my eyes to the slight darkness I noticed that most of the stall was covered in blood and the toilet was drenched in it. My first assumption was that some one came to school without a tampon but it was the boys bathroom so I immediately figured that that was not the case.

This is where it got real freaky. I noticed a drop come from the celling. There was blood... dripping from the celling. A tile was broken off and something was making the blood come down. I however not having a gun of any kind ran like a little girl and got the hell out of there.

So, my day went on as usual with a the normal funny quirks.

Like at lunch I was eating a orange that had so many seeds that I compared it to a Mormon. I felt clever ( =D ) and after that I just did my drama club stuff and came home to type this.

Thats it =D!