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I hope you die in your sleep. No, I'm joking
True Blood Sucks
"True Blood" is the latest show to come from the bowels of HBO, created from the disturbed mind of a ham named Alan Ball. I'm not saying this is the worst show out there, but let's just say it makes me want to take out/rip out my eyes and eat them.

The show stars Anna Paquin: She's that chick from the X-Men movie. You'd think with all the money she probably made playing Rogue (I think) she would have paid for acting lessons, or at least pay to fix that gap in her teeth. But no. She just HAD to have the worst accent on the show, which is really saying something.

The books had a plot: A murder-mystery (kidnapping or take-ver in some) and a sub-plot that is put off 'till the end. Really simple to follow. Yet Alan Ball removes any trace of plot to put in soft-core porn, believing that plot can be replaced with sex.

Besides straying from the books in terms of plot, it completely ******** up the characters, too: Sookie, a telepathic Sue, for one, has become way more annoying than she is in the books, reaching Bella Swan levels. Sam, a bartender/doggie, had his backstory raped as much as a Thesaurus is with Stephenie Meyer. Since his back-story is important later in the books, this kind of screws True Blood from getting later seasons, which is almost worth it (though Ball might make some stupid Deus Ex Machina where Sam meets his family and they reconnect or some s**t. And his brother would be a burden or something predictable like that).

Tara. Tara, Tara, Tara. What can I say about her? A bland and uninteresting character in the books, she becomes a bland, uninteresting b***h in the show. Her sidestories are meh at best, and drag on ********. And then she and Sam are siblings or lovers or whatever.

And when the rednecks set fire to Bill's house and kill everyone inside, well...it turns out Bill just chose to sleep in the graveyard that night, naked, and rapes Sookie for no reason, though she wants it. In the books Sookie wants him to stay with her because she feels it is dangerous for him to stay at home or something, I dunno. At least it made sense.

Not only should Alan Ball be banned from writing, he should be beaten unconscience with a copy of Dead Until Dark.

And the books? Well, book 9, Dead And Gone, sucked so much that I'm sure it was breaking continuity, the characters and ruining the series on purpose, just so it can match the television series. Either the author got high and just didn't care or she knows that the television show ruined the series. That's right, True Blood ruined Sookie Stackhouse. Though to be fair, it was a subpar to okay series at best, the earlier books being very interesting. I prefer Harper Conelly.

I really hate this vampire fad. I would say True Blood is actually worse than Twilight, which is actually saying something, since My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie was better than Twilight. At least with Twilight the series was already s**t before transitioning to screen. Sookie Stackhouse books were at least good or okay or meh before becoming s**t, so it's like a princess becoming a prostitute. Like Janet Weiss in The Rocky Horror Picture Show's beginning turning into a super-Paris Hilton.

The ******** END. Well, I wish. The frickin' series has so many ads and is riding on the hype of Alan Ball. The series just won't die. It's "soft-core porn for old spinsters," as a review on Amazon or something put it. I have to agree.

Someone, PLEASE drive a stake through this trainwreck's heart.

I lost the game.
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