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Cardcaptor Sakura: The Condensed Version
Cardcaptor Sakura: The Condensed Version (just add watery)
Hi, I’m Sakura Kinomoto
I’m in class 4A at Tomoeda Elementary School
I Like PE and Music
I hate math, especially linear programming
This is my dad, Fujitaka *Lawl*
He says I’m ADD
Whatever that means…
My mom?
Oh, she’s dead
But don’t worry, we still talk to photos of her for some reason
Touya says he can still see her
And I’m like: "oni-chan, you need help."
And then there was this plush thing
And his name is Kero
And he was like:
"Hey kid, you have to be the Cardcaptor"
And I was all like:
"No"
And then he was like: “Come on…”
then I was like: “Ok”
*capture cards*
*capture cards*
This is my best friend Tomoyo
She’s a Lez-Beeee-Umm
Whatever that means
*capture cards*
*capture cards*
Onichan why are you looking at Yukito that way?
*capture cards*
*capture cards*
And then this psycho guy Li showed up and he was all like: “Gimme the Clow Cards b***h”
And I’m like: “STFU n00b”
*capture cards*
*capture cards*
And then my new teacher and her malformed bell showed up...
No seriously, this bell is WTF.
*capture cards*
*capture cards*
Tomoyo: “Sakura, do I have to spell it out for you? I want you to come back to my McMansion and have crazy lesbian sex with me!!”
Me: “Huh?... la la la la laaaa"
*capture cards*
*capture Light and Dark*; yet more lesbians. WTF is up with CLAMP and lesbians?!
This is Yue (Seme of my life)
I think he’s gay for Clow Reed
*capture cards*
*capture cards… but not Libra, WTF?!*
Ok, now Yue is pissed about judging me or something.
Whatever, I’ll just use windy on him like I do with all my other problems…
...
...
Yes! It worked.
But now my staff is ******** up
I liked it better when its head looked like a duck
And then Clow Reed was like: “Sakura I might cause trouble for you soon.”
I was like: “ORLY?”
And he was like: “YARLY!”
Gawd he is soooo stuck up!
He acts like he’s the king of all cosmos or something.
Meanwhile, Tomoyo and her lesbian bodyguards keep shoving stupid outfits down my throat.
I’m like: "Gawd Tomoyo, your costumes look like pieces of s**t with wings!!!"
Anyways. Kero was like: “You have to start using your own magic cause Clow Reed doesn’t feel like lending you his magic anymore."
and I’m like, “...
...
...
That’s stingy…”
Yue needs to get over himself
He’s sooooo sassy!
But that’s ok cause I have a new theme song now.
I get to say: “doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot doot dreaming!”
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