As you can see, children, today we are going to work on our mathematics! No, no, little Timmy, don't worry! It's not going to be hard, I promise. I'm going to help you through it step by step and make sure you understand *everything*. See? Thadda boy. Chin up now. Right. So our problem is Half Broken + Flu = ...What? Does anyone know? Mm, not yet you don't. It's okay though. Let's start at the beginning.
The first part of our problem is "Half Broken". I'm sure you all know what that means! I was in one nasty-life-threatening car horrificganza *twooo* months ago, and so my injuries from that splendid event are still trying to heal. Now, most people who see me don't think I'm that bad off, kids. And if I would see me from an outsider's p.o.v I would have to agree with the people who don't know any better. I do just as much as any other person, and put up a nice little front that I have no pain. I'm only able to do this because I handle pain pretty damn well, children. But alas, that doesn't mean that it's not there. --Keep this in mind, for we are going to bring "Half Broken" back into this picture later.
[Half Broken = In The Process Of Healing Bones = Still Pain, Jerks]
The second part of our problem says "Flu", but that actually entails a shitload more that just three little letters, kiddos. A. s**t.load. more. Let's see... Where did it start? ...Two weeks ago, my throat was acting up. Oh, it was some b***h, children, it was *some b***h*. I could barely talk at times and yadda-yadda. They offered to take me to the doctor, but nooo I wouldn't go! Why is that, kids? That's right, Suzy; I'm a stubborn b***h. Now, class, this is another part of the problem that you should take notes about; "Stubborn. b***h." Which brings me to the term that often plays hand in hand with "stubborn b***h"... See, after my throat cleared, and without the help of a doctor, mind you, I became a know-it-all c**t. Repeat after me, kids: Know.it.all. c**t. Yes, Joseph... c**t is spelled C-U-N-T.
[Flu = Burning Throat = No Voice]
A few days to a week later, I began getting this cough. It was so bad... But then it got worse and worse... It just kept upping itself everytime; the ********' show-off. It wasn't at its climax though, children. Oh no, not at all. But it did keep me awake accordingly; waking me up every forty-five minutes or less/so. Finally, I laid in bed for a whole day, and when I returned to [my now considered living since I haven't really left the house in two months] the land of the living [, which like I said is merely my interpretation of it: my living room] I seemed to be aaall better. The cough was still there, but I wasn't worried about it.
[Assuming = You're An a*****e]
The next two days that cough showed me who was boss. It wouldn't pick one area to torment either. Everytime I coughed it was usually a new place that it pained me. A few times it happened to be my throat. Okay. Then it turned to my chest. Do I have a chest cold? It alternated between those two areas and nothing for quite a bit before the real shizzle kicked in, kids. The cough began shaking my entire body, and its target was my mid-section [pelvis + bottom of stomach]. Oh my god... Now, children, you remember the Half Broken bit right? My injuries insisted of two broken places in my neck, a broken tailbone, and multiple breaks all along my pelvis [multiple breaks = a shitload]. So, you see, the cough is aiming for where I am the weakest. Anytime I cough, and I still do it now, I recoil into a quick ball, hugging my knees to my chest with one arm and holding the bottom of my stomach with the other. It hurts so bad, children... It pains me so much that I try my best not to cough... Instead I shudder and whimper and gasp until the urge goes away...
[Flu = One Helluva ******** Cough = Being Stabbed In The Pelvis Then Twisting The Knife And Having A Katana Sliced Through Your Lower Abdomen]
Here's the climax of the problem, kids. I woke up to that vile cough Saturday at 2 A.M. but kept trying to go back to sleep all the way up 'til 6 A.M. I pulled myself out of bed and sucked on a lovely popcicle while watching Rugrats and some other cartoon before laying back down. Suddenly though... I wasn't feeling so good. (Okay, I haven't been this entire time, but I mean... this time it was serious.) The coughs seemed to multiply by ten, and my body couldn't decide if it was cold or hot. It would be sweating and burning, but then I would get these cold chills. I couldn't decide what to do so I laid under my covers, and stared helplessly at the ceiling on my back. I went to roll over and--!!! I screamed in agony. I hadn't felt that much pain from my pelvis and tailbone since... Well, I can't remember any of that time period anyway. I just know it hurt. So to my mind, I really haven't felt that kind of pain to those areas. By now there were three different types of pain organizing theirselves about my body. The first I experienced was one that didn't bother me too much-- like I said I deal well with pain--, and was a drawn out, slowly aching pain. It kind of burned as well. This pain only attatched it self to the back of my neck and my shoulders/upper back area. The second is what really got me. It consisted of a stabbing, sharp, intense sort of thing. Much like the knives from earlier when I would cough. It would occur to my ears (which were burning by this point), front of my neck, arms, stomach, pevlis, upper legs, knees, feet, and it even got my hands. The third type of pain was a combination of the two mentioned before. The burning and stabbing happened to my ears and neck mainly. I laid in that bed from 7 A.M until 12:30 P.M. before they finally heard me sobbing. I could've tried to call for my parents earlier, but I didn't have a voice to call them with, and I kept thinking it would all go away soon enough. But it didn't and I felt completely miserable about crying in front of them. I don't cry, children! Not in front of others at least! I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer to see what they looked like because they were burning so harshly and I kept squinting them shut because of the pain anyway. I felt Mother's hand on my forehead and then she gasped, "Oh my god. She's burning...!" Randy stroked my cheeks, and I felt even worse. Mother rushed in with my Baclofen [Baclofen = muscle relaxers prescibed by UofL] and some water. My eyes were still closed and I went to sat up as she asked me to, but ended up half screaming instead [half screaming = beginning to scream and then clamping mouth shut to where it ends in a muffled cry]. I couldn't get up for everytime I tried that katana was ran down my spine and shoved directly into my tailbone. I swallowed the pill without water lying down.
[Flu = Intense Fever = Uncontrolled Sobbing From Tasha]
It took forever, but Mother finally got me to the doctor. When I was walking out [walking = hobbling/dragging feet while leaning all the weight possible on my walker] I damn near fainted two times, and just wanted to fall asleep on my walker. The nurse was surprised to see me in my neckbrace and with a walker... I did look like complete hell. She was kind enough though and checked everything that she was supposed to. But what I found funny was how she couldn't get my blood pressure with my left arm. She tried three times, and it never worked. I believe she said, "Maybe you just don't have any in this arm." That made me smile for the first time that day. The doctor came in and he was awesomely cool. Kept telling me I was a lucky girl after he figured out why I had on a neckbrace and sported a walker. My ears were fine, my lungs were fine, and my heart was racing. My throat was unusually red, but I didn't have strep-throat. They checked for the Flu and bing-bing-bing! The entire time though, the doctor was afraid I had pneumonia... He was surprised by two things really... 1) That I had escaped death after being issued it by a 3 ton school bus. 2) That I hadn't gotten pneumonia when I spent my week in UofL. Apparently broken kiddos are extremely susceptible to evil diseases, and he gave me some strong s**t to make sure I don't get pneumonia.
[Half Broken = A Lot Of Medication]
[Flu = Even More Medication]
Okay, kids! So what do we know? Yes, Jenny? Don't you want to take a stab? Come on, children. Work out the problem on the back of your papers. Put down that hand, Johnny; I know I've explained everything, and you're a dipshit if you don't get it still. ...Goddamnit, Johnny! Quit crying. Awh, yes, Suzy? Do you have a question? I told you children once... "c**t" is spelled C-U-N-T. Okay... Everyone done? ...No? Well, ******** that. I'm just going to tell you. Goddamn kids...
Half Broken + Flu = Not Good.
- natasha.
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Love, Suicide, and Graves
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