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As the title says, I have issues. Numberous issues in fact. Odd though, I can't really make myself care. Care is the wrong word, I can't make myself become worried or upset. Don't get me wrong, I want to go screaming to the hills. I'm just to...I don't know. I guess I'm used to life throwing stuff at me at the most inconvinent times.

So, first, (if you've been reading this) you'll know I suffer from Chronic depression and scitzophrenia (and a lack of good spelling skills). Everything has basically been fine for a while though. I started taking my meds properly right after I tried to kill myself when I was 17 going on 18 so things started to get normal.

It's been good for the past two years too, so good in fact, I barely realize I have a slightly weird mind. But, something went wrong this month, I'm not exactly sure what. Maybe a screw that was barely hanging on got knocked loose or something.

I'm starting to have visions again and the voices are coming back. No where near as bad as before but they're coming. It started yesterday morning when I walked into school. I thought I saw a friend of mine who hung himself three years ago in the hall. It was a flicker but it was still there.

As the day went on, I swear I kept seeing him. I don't know why it's this particular friend but yeah. And he's still kind of like hanging around today too. Not there all the time and not clear, just a flicker really but he's there.

As if that's not bad enough, my brain feels like it's trying to explode or kill itself or eat itself or something equally weird. I've had a constant ache in my head all week, sometimes it blossoms into a full out migrane but it's always...there.

I also find myself really worked up for some reason. Stressed I guess. I'm always clentching my jaw and hands too tight and just over all tense.

What definately doesn't help the situation is one of my good guy friends has decided he wants me. I mean, we kind of had a thing, (it's complicated) and now he's decided he doesn't want me and my fiancee to get married and he's trying to break it off.

Icing on the cake: My fiancee is pregnant. And before anyone says anything about protection, I have super sperm. I s**t you not. I was wearing a condom properly and she was on birth control. And we only had actual penitration sex twice while she was visiting for Christmas holidays. This happened with my son too. I swear the little swimmers are superman or something...caps and laser vision and all...lol.

The good thing about the last issue is that I planned ahead and have a sort of savings account in place. And she's only about a month along so we still have a good 7 months at least to save. The only thing that got pushed back is the wedding.

The upside is that we did finally find a house we could agree on...it's a bit out of our price range but I can make up the cash pretty quick in 4 solid months of work so it's all good. It's an awesome house too, I'm putting in our offer tomorrow right after school. No one else has gone against us and we're actually getting it about $30,000 CHEAPER than asking price. Because of renovations and stuff, it'll be ready right when we want to move in.

Always a silver lining I guess. So long as I can maintain control of myself till Tuesday, I think I'll be okay. Tuesday I'll see my therapist and I can tell him what's wrong. I all ready called him but he can't get anything free even though he really wants to, knowing how I am and all.

So yes, that is my rant for this...time. I'll probably update soonish. If not, feel free to PM.