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So yeah, it's been four years. Life happens, deal. I'm doing this for the few people who may or may not still be around. Really it's to rest my brain on saying good-bye to those people and letting them know that everything's okay. My last entries left on kind of a sad note and I wanna change that.

My son David is 7 and my daughters Aurora and Amorita are 4. My fiancée is now my wife and the house is almost completely paid off. I'm still on meds for clinical depression and repressed scitzophernia. I still can't spell.

I'm working with a guy in my city to become a tattoo artist because freelance artist was no longer paying as much as it used to four years ago. I've been doing the tattoo thing for about two years now and people have started requesting me by name so all is good.

Life finally decided to stop kicking my a** but it's turned it's boot to my sister. The funny thing is that as close as we were we've grown apart. She's gone through a lot of bullshit these past four years and as much as I've been through I don't know what to tell her. I do tell her I'm there for her but she's always been the introvert pretending to be extroverted and finally gave up on pretending.

She's more quiet now, doesn't go out so much, and yeah, is probably depressed about a lot of crap. She's got a lot to be depressed about but I'm not getting into it. We still talk, not as often but we've got lives and again, crap happens.

My friends are still my friends. Derrick (the straight guy who I converted to being gay) is over me and engaged to a chick. Dave and Jimmy (my two gay friends) are married because it's legal in Canada. And Crystal? She's an abuse lawyer, last I heard.

She married the jerk and we talk maybe once or twice a year (Christmas and birthdays) when we used to talk once a week, text once a day. It hurts to lose someone that was so close. She'd been my best friend, my friend with benefits, my lover, back to friend with benefits, then just friend. She was always there when I texted her or called and I knew like Jimmy, my sister, Dave, and Derrick, she always had my back.

Now she's just...gone. It's been three years she's been gone. I went to her wedding and it was then that she slowly stopped talking to me. I guess her husband didn't like it when I told him that when she finally smartened up I was going to kick his a**.

I miss her. That might sound like I love her and I do but it's different from the love I have for my wife. Crystal had been a constant in my life for over a decade and now she's not there. It's weird even after three years.

Besides Crystal and my sister: everything's been great. David's becoming a little brainiac and the girls are starting junior kindergarden this year. Even weirder: my wife and I might decide to have another child (or two cuz twins run in both sides).

Looking back on my journals made me realize how much I changed as a person. When I joined Gaia I was this angry, sad, Goth guy who didn't give a s**t. I'm not so angry or sad anymore, don't consider myself Goth and I give a s**t about more than I ever thought I could. Back then I didn't want a family, I was happy to be sleeping around, I didn't care much about school, and I was in a really bad place. I'm happy having kids, I'd never cheat on my wife and am so a one woman dude, I kinda want to go back to school, and I'm in a decent place.

I'm happy. I never thought I'd be able to say that, ever but: I'm happy. For the first time since my parents died 18 years ago: I'm happy. Yeah there's still a few things that need to be fixed but besides that, it's good.

But you know, I'll always be looking for the s**t storm. I know that happiness isn't forever and that one of these days s**t's going to explode and I'll have to grab a mop. But until then I'll enjoy it.

For those of you that know me: I'll be around. I'm not leaving forever because of you guys. I met so many awesome people through this site and one of these days I'll come back in full so I can meet more awesome people. I hate that I didn't formally say good-bye to any of you and there's just too damned many of you to track you all down. It makes me sad to remember how the LD used to be and all the regulars there. It also makes me sad to go there, click on the "Name all the LD regulars" and not see a single familiar name. But hey, it's an internet site I haven't logged into formally for like two years so wtf can I expect?

For those that don't know me: What the Hell are you reading this for? I'm kidding. But go back to the beginning of the journal and read from there, kay? It'll make more sense. And don't expect me to post in forums. I'll be around though. Like a stalker or something.

For now: I'll be stalking. I might decide to spent nights posting in the LD and LI sometime in the future. But I've got more important things to deal with in life so don't expect it.

See ya around.