I really do sometimes. It was all going great, got the downpayment on the house, only have to pay about 5 years of morgage, my girlfriend became my fiancee, school was going awesome, my fiancee got pregnant which was fine (we can...could have handled it), it was awesome.
Insert s**t storm.
It started with a bit of a mental breakdown on my part a few weeks ago, I got over that for the most part, things are still there but not as sever which is good.
Just last week, my one guy friends said that he couldn't live without me. On a romantic level. He wants to date me...ect. I'm not gay. Yes, I tried some things with this male friend (who was also straight but curious) and now he's decided that my fiancee isn't good enough for me.
It's become awkward. I want to kill him, in a sense. Not literally of course. He's got me so pissed off right now that I'm skipping classes...since he's in all of them. Normally I'd just tell the person off but he's a persistant b*****d and can't take a hint. So for now, I'm avoiding him. And...because I'm avoiding him, my school work is suffering.
Then I found out last night that my fiancee lost the baby. I'm upset because I had just gotten over the fact that yes, we will be having a baby earlier then planned and now it's gone. I'm angry...at myself for not being able to be there when she needed me. I...hate to admit it but I'm angry at her for losing it, even though I know it's not her fault. I'm especially pissed at all the people who were stressing her out and made her lose it in the first place. And...I'm...again, I hate to admit it but I'm kind of happy she lost it because it means we won't have to deal with a baby right away.
Yeah, we all ready have my son but he's a bit older so he can understand a few more things and isn't AS needy as a newborn. I just don't know what to feel. I'm with her now, I left last night about midnight with my son in tow and got to her place about two hours ago. She's passed out on her bed, I'm sitting in a chair a bit aways from her writing this.
Icing on the cake, the new house tested postitive for mold. It's going to cost another like $50,000 to remove it and refix it or something. On top of needing the furnace fixed...and this place wasn't even a fixer upper.
I don't know what to do...besides pulling myself and my son out of school to be with her. I can't just stay here but I want to so bad. But if I do, I might as well forget about my diploma and any major job I had lined up for the summer. Finanacally, I can't make that sacrifice.
I hate to admit it, but I'm scared. I'm afraid that if I leave on Monday, she'll think I'm some kind of heartless b*****d and want to leave me. And I wouldn't be able to handle that. I CAN'T handle that. There's just no way. I don't think I've ever wanted to cry and scream and just go crazy my entire life.
I can't sleep, I can barely eat...I don't know what I'm doing or where anythings going anymore. Everything just went downhill so fast. And my poor son doesn't know what's going on, all he knows is daddy is sad and he can't call my fiancee mommy without her bursting into tears.
I need a ******** drink but I know I won't stop if I start. And if I don't stop it'll counteract bad with my meds and I'll probably end up in the hospital.
I'm ending this here, I just...can't.
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On a slightly random note, concering your last entry, I think it was soo adorable that your son was trying to fix your brain. ^.^ That seemed so sweet of him.