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March 21, 2011 Monday 5:30PM

_,

I've been feeling so confused and distraught. I can't believe it has only been two days. Yesterday I spent the morning crying. I cried a bit today on the morning bus and in class with Ice Warrior. As usual though, he ended up just talking about himself.

I'm preparing a lengthy PM for Nucc. I'll send it to him in a few days.

Yesterday at 10:02PM I sent him a sound messsage, asking him if he ever made a wish on the paper crane I gave him. At 10:41PM, he replied,
"I don't recall making a wish upon it yet. I thought about it when I saw the cranes in your room yesterday, though.
That said, could we agree on something? Could we not contact each other directly for a while, say at least a couple weeks? Speaking from experience: I believe it would benefit both of us. Exempting Jiken, I suppose. Would be odd to not reply to each other's posts.
This sounds mean, but please don't respond to this text. For both our sakes.
Pic unrelated."

[Pause] 5:35PM
[Resume] 8:23PM

I understand. I understand that this is probably for the best, not talking directly to each other. I just... I can't stand it. I want to stop hoping that he will text me "I love you. I'm sorry." I want to wake up from this horrible nightmare.
My heart is black, Sennyo. It truly is.
You're dead, he's gone, so now what? What am I living for? One year ago, I was unsure of what to do anymore. Legs and arms covered with Scars. I'm not sure of what to do anymore.

I was texting Whitey today for a while, about the break up. I told him about it before German class, and he offered a hug. It was surprisingly nice of him. He texted me during class, but I didn't read it till lunch. He really helped me relieve some anxiety and some weight off my heavy black heart.
I wish he didn't remind me of him though. I hate it.

I wish I truly believed in solipsism. I really do. I want to wake up from this dream. I want everything around me to be just a part of my imagination.
I want to die.

I hate you, Nucc. I hate your ******** guts. Why did you have to break my heart? You stupid stupid a*****e. Why?
You suck.
You really do suck.
I hate you.
I still love you.
Please, please, come back to me, Nucc. I love you.

[End Log] 8:33PM