April 3, 2011 Sunday 1:23AM
I was a really horrible person today.
Sometime after 8:20PM I got onto Habbo and "followed" Nucc into a room, and then his own (unbeknownst to me at first) when he left the first one. Horrified and embarrassed, I left immediately to my own room. A few minutes later Nucc came into my room. I was so stricken. I tried to play off as dumb.
N- "What are you doing?"
N- "I'm not dense. This is creepy, just saying. I'll leave you be now." he said something like.
That horrible vomiting feeling again. I felt so sick and horrible. I began to cry. Not sob, just cry. Silent tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt so awful.
I thought that I was moving on, healing. I was just being delusional though, fooling myself. Half-heartedly hopeful over my growing scab, only to hastily scratch it off, with empty hope that the flesh beneath would be healed.
I hate myself.
Then, after baww'ing to facebook, I texted TigerX about it.
Today I asked TigerX if he would like to go to prom with me. He said yes. I asked if we could go as just friends; I wouldn't mind if we made out and had sex, but I wanted ti remain as friends. So much frustration. He and I both agreed that long-distance relationships suck. He asked that if situations were different, if I would date him. I told him that he had already been friend-zones/friendswithbenefits-zoned. Not to mention that he said that he hated long-distance relationships. He confirmed this, but implied that if i went to his college and lived in the dorms we could see each other.
I told him that I was really sorry, but I was having mixed feelings about executing in my life.
He said something like, "I understand... Damn, you're perfect for me in every way too..."
Several, several minutes later I asked why he thought I was so perfect for him. He replied that my personality was perfect for him, not just the jokes. That I know exactly what to do to make him feel better, not just send tits. That know exactly what to say to out a smile on his face. "I only wish could do the same for you..." he said something like.
Two hours later, a bit past 6PM, he texts me apologizing, saying that he never should have said anything. I told him that I was okay, and I just did 't know what to say or how to say it. I then apologized, and said that I appreciated his apology, as those were certainly things that Nucc didn't often do. We got along relatively well after that.
Sennyo, last night I dreamt two dreams. In the first one, Nucc and I has some really passionate sex. I wish I hadn't, especially after what happened yesterday evening. I really do need to move on.
Sennyo, I was on /p/ today and read a manga of Lain that someone was posting. It reminded me mug if you, and what our relationship was to each other.
Sennyo, what should I do?
[End log] 1:50AM
Poison Fairy Sennyo