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Connecting My thoughts, and dreams, and hopes, losses, regrets, and pains, and expression of the heart.

Poison Fairy Sennyo
Community Member
March 28, 2011 Monday 11:35PM


Nucc, did you know? Two nights in a row now I've dreamt of you. The night before last's, it was very sexual. I dreamt that you were taking me to your place. Sunset sky, driving through fields of luscious green. It was at Theresa's house, I believe. We were talking about spending the night and taking a shower together.
Then, the dream after that one was somewhat frightening. Futanari.

Last night, I dreamt that we were talking on the phone, and you got a job. 

I think I miss you.

Crazy and I went to the Tri-County Mall today. She went with me to buy an item of paraphernalia at Spencer's, as well as a new pair of size 2's: they look like dragon tails. We went around trying on dresses, bought some food and took a ride on the mini train, and went home. It was really fun.
I realized especially then that I no longer have someone to buy pretty/fancy lingerie for. At Sears I saw a dress alike to the kind of wedding gown I would've liked to wear.

I was speaking to TigerX today on facebook. We're exchanging pictures now. He was very flattering, albeit a bit too flirty for me. Funny thing is, and I told him this, that I was thinking earlier today about how if we ever met again we could have casual sex as friends. But, then, while it would feel good at the moment, I would only feel terribly about it later.
After my shower I told him of how I felt that he, Nucc, and I were fated to never be happy with that one special someone. He replied that he understood, and as hard as it is to find someone, it sucks when it doesn't work out.
I then added that it must suck especially for manwhores like him and Nucc, since their hearts have been broken far more than others.

I was apologizing to him if I was seeming a bit awkward, since I don't really know how to flirt: this is somewhat true, but I also wanted him to stop being so weird.
He then replied that "if this were IRL, j could just go with the flow. Then again, if this were IRL, we wouldn't really be talking. wink "
I answered "I dunno... I feel like, at least for a while, his are the only lips I want to kiss, the only person I want inside of me.
Forgive me."
He replied that he understood, and inserted a -holds-. And that was the end if our conversation from there.

It's true though, Nucc. While I don't love you the same way as I used to, I still feel as though my heart belongs to you. It probably always will. Your lips are the only ones I want to taste. The only arms to be around me. The only person to whisper "I love you" to. The only person I ever want to be inside of me.
The only person I want to spend the rest of my life with, no matte how short or long it may be. 

I love you, Nucc. I want to push you into a wall and embrace you at the same time.

Yesterday I went to go see a play at my former school. I hung out with Shadow for a short while afterwards. She asked me if I was going to prom. I told her maybe, since Nucc and I were no longer together, plus he would've been too old. She was surprised. She put her stuff into the car and said something like, "Wait, what? I knew that he was too old, but you guys aren't together anymore?!"
I told her yes. She said she was sort about us. I felt badly about it. She was the first UA girl to see my ring too.

Sennyo, with you gone and Nucc gone as well, what do I do?

On Friday I was feeling very unemotional. I scarred myself for the first time in a long while.
After a dinner at Steak n Shake, I went home, went to Walmart, and came home to a surprise birthday party in the basement. The whole gang was there. It was really fun and happy. 
I don't regret the Scars though.

I miss you.

[End Log] 3/29/11 12:13AM

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